What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 00:51
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
How is Sola Scriptura incoherent?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She found it foreign!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
This is soul school!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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Comes on , in middle age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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She loved him until the end.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I have no regrets .
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My family never makes their pension either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
(And it was in our own minds.)
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She married twice! .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
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And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i lived it daily.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot live in the past .
I said to her
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I waited trembling.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He knew the spot.
My life is so biszare .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She wouldn,t have been !
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
When she asked me how she looked .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I write beautiful poetry .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So whats the point in blame.
I don,t even have a pension.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Would this be the day?
I think the readers, may guess!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Put me off passion for life!!
We all went to grammer schools
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But, we were locked up after school.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ive learnt so much.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We were not on the streets..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was in good health!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Who then, do I blame.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What did i know ?
So, i spoilt her more .
But ive been too sick for many years..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But it wasn’t much.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was 9 years of age.
It was going to be , some day.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im still living with it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .